I have a lot of friends who do not know (or do not want to know) anything about their family finances. This has always been a concern of mine as we all know things happen in life and the worst time to start trying to muddle through a family balance sheet is when shit hits the fan.

Whether it comes in the form of a death of a partner or spouse, a disability, an illness, an affair or a divorce it is always an unwelcome sudden change of events.

Coming from the world of finance in which I spent many years managing money for clients, I saw all sorts of things. It was not uncommon for some clients to keep secret bank accounts and credit cards from their spouses. Believe it or not I even managed accounts (and some mortgages) for some husbands who held them jointly with a mistress.

When disaster struck, I would be on the receiving end of emotional anguish typically coming from the wife’s side. She would be blindsided trying to muddle through the family’s investment, loan and mortgage statements trying to make sense of everything. I would have to be the bearer of bad news when for the first time she needed a credit card or a loan in their own name and I had to share the unwelcome bit about them not having any credit history. Newsflash, being a secondary card holder on your spouse’s credit card does not qualify as credit history.

Because of what I witnessed at work, I have always encouraged my girlfriends to take stock (literally!) of what their family owns and owes. I would encourage them to make sure they are jointly listed on everything they are entitled to be listed on. To insist on reviewing credit card and loan statements. To know their mortgage balance, how much the monthly payments are and when the monthly payments are. To have first-hand knowledge of any investments and where they are held not only personal investments they have made as a family but also investments held through places of employment. One should also know about any partnership agreements held through a spouse’s place of employment and what type of payout would occur in the event of a death or disability. It needs to be better understand that partnership agreement payouts are treated as joint assets in the event of a divorce.

It is very important to know how to reach any professional advisors your family works with if needed and maintain relationships with them, from bankers to lawyers to accountants, insurance and financial advisors. It is important to protect yourself in the event of the unknown. Another word of advice – keep a file of all statements and important contact information and put it somewhere you will remember.

It can often be overwhelming to peak behind the curtain and see what your financial situation looks like. I can assure you from personal experience stemming from both my career in finance along with being an uncomfortable witness to multiple girlfriends who have found themselves in the devastating position of trying to put their financial life together after divorce or the death of a spouse, that it is much easier to do this before you are left without an option.